Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

March 31, 2008

To America’s Unsung Heroes…Check the Batteries in Your Diapers

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 1:28 pm

Last night, while playing Balderdash with my wife and some friends, I realized that our nation was built upon a solid foundation of ingenuity, quick thinking and hard work.

.

We learned of the creativity of one Francoise Dekan, who was a “co-inventor of a musical diaper device that plays ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’ when the diaper gets wet.” A “co-inventor.” To be sure, in some godless, third-world, communist country, most inventors would try to tackle something this important all by themselves in an effort to receive all of the glory that comes from such a creation; only, they would fail miserably. Why? Because they don’t understand teamwork and partnership. Also, there is probably no translation of “When the Saints Go Marching In” in their language. The most that anyone besides an American could ever hope to invent is a diaper that causes a child to cry when it gets wet; and that is inhumane and simply unacceptable in today’s world. But, men like Francoise aren’t the only heroes in America.

.

We also learned about the quick-thinking Anthony Distasio, the “fast thinking man who saved his own life by body surfing a wave of molasses during the famous Boston Molasses Flood of 1919.” There aren’t many people who, in the midst of a terrifying molasses flood, would have the presence of mind to react like Mr. Distasio did; many people, sadly enough, after eating too many pancakes, would get a cramp and drown. But, now, however, thanks to Mr. Distasio and other quick thinkers like him, we have a strategy for saving lives when Mother Nature unleashes the powerful forces of molasses.

.

And, though these men achieved a level of fame that many of us will never experience, I would like to applaud the ideas that were generated by Amber and my friends during our game. For the above-mentioned people, the following ideas were generated. For, Mr. Dekan, it was suggested that he 1) lived for 3 days on a lifeboat crafted out of empty wine bottles and rope, 2) was the chef known for popularizing crepes Suzette, and 3) died suddenly while attempting to chew 100 pieces of bubble gum all at once. For Mr. Distasio, it was suggested that he was 1) the first Italian to open a Mexican restaurant in Spain, 2) famous for building a 1,200 square foot house totally out of Legos®, and 3) an inventor of a children’s game involving 3 toothpicks and a piece of bubble gum.

.

These certainly are the ideas of the thinkers of tomorrow; others have made America great and now it is our turn to do our best to build upon that sure foundation. So, here’s to the enterprising American: Keep inventing, keep dreaming, think quickly, and remember that, with hard work, you too can have your name and accomplishments included in a board game! But, first, you might want to check yourself, because I think I hear ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’ distinctly coming from your direction.

March 30, 2008

Dunn Bros Coffee Shoppe Stoppe

Filed under: Coffee Time — dangrdave @ 1:50 am

Well, saturday evening church at Milestone has just ended and now I’m here at my favorite local Dunn Bros Coffee Shop with Amber.  A lady and her husband are in one corner playing some upbeat folk music…the flyer on the wall gives the following website for the duo.  Our coffee minstrels have, so far, played a few songs from A Mighty Wind, so these folks are pretty entertaining.  I really like this Dunn Bros because it always seems to promote live local music and local artists…also, one of the baristas drives an honest-to-goodness Mystery Machine (man, hippies have the coolest rides).

March 28, 2008

Creationism: It’s Evolving Into An Intelligent Debate

Filed under: Religion — dangrdave @ 12:44 pm

Just a reminder, in case you aren’t aware, Ben Stein’s new docu-movie, “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed,” will be out in theaters on April 18. I’ve seen a trailer for this, and it looks like it will be a very interesting and thought-provoking journey into a relevant debate. Whether you believe in creationism or in evolution, I think that this movie will explore the side of the issue that normally gets dismissed without a serious inquiry. I personally believe in creationism, as, is said in the Bible, the whole of creation truly reflects the glory and majesty of God. I believe that the sun, the moon and the stars, along with the mountains and the seas could only have been created by the design of an awesome God. And, I believe that man indeed was created in the image of an awe-inspiring, benevolent God…not in the image of a baboon.  We humans do tend to sometimes monkey around a bit, but, despite our flaws, we were created by God. However, so that I don’t receive negative replies to this posting, I will admit of a certain degree of evolution. In one extreme instance of evolution, we can see that, from a few small bogs on the east coast, simple, single-celled organisms slowly began their evolution into IRS tax agents. Speaking of which, remember to file your taxes or flee the country by the 15th – that’s three days before the release of Expelled!

March 27, 2008

A Fast Break

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 9:41 pm

Remember, kids, breakfast is the most important meal of the day outside of brunch, lunch, milk-n-cookie time, supper, dinner, dessert, and midnight snacks!

Friends Don’t Let Friends Eat Triscuits…Unless They Really Want To

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 1:20 am

In the lunch room today an obviously depressed friend was sitting there eating Triscuit® brand crackers. To be sure, my friend really didn’t seem outwardly depressed, but I can think of no other reason that a happy man would willingly eat Triscuits. Triscuits, to me, are like eating Brillo Pads©, only not quite as tasty. Triscuits really aren’t good for much of anything, in my opinion; even most Shredded Wheat™ fans have rejected them. Currently, the Senate is investigating reports that the CIA tortured prisoners of war by feeding them Triscuits. And, beyond the government circles, though they won’t readily admit it, many stores only really carry Triscuits because of their ability to sop up spills quickly (scientific note: Triscuits, like industrial shammies, can absorb approximately four times their volume in water). Anyway, in order to lighten the mood for my friend, I suggested that he should find a can of compressed cheese-type product (now with more CFCs!) to at least put some flavor and moisture on his crackers. After searching the supply closet, we were unable to locate any compressed cheese – there were only a few cans of compressed bologna, and those didn’t seem to interest my friend. So, my friend went back to eating his Triscuits. His cheeks slowly began to wither with each mouthful of Triscuits, his vital spittle reserves began reaching very low levels, as each word he spoke was parched and accented with dry Triscuit crumbs that sucked the moisture out of the air in the room. I couldn’t bear to watch a friend do this to himself, so I left the lunchroom. I hope he’s alright…I haven’t really seen him since lunch.

Next Page »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.