Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

March 31, 2008

To America’s Unsung Heroes…Check the Batteries in Your Diapers

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 1:28 pm

Last night, while playing Balderdash with my wife and some friends, I realized that our nation was built upon a solid foundation of ingenuity, quick thinking and hard work.


We learned of the creativity of one Francoise Dekan, who was a “co-inventor of a musical diaper device that plays ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’ when the diaper gets wet.” A “co-inventor.” To be sure, in some godless, third-world, communist country, most inventors would try to tackle something this important all by themselves in an effort to receive all of the glory that comes from such a creation; only, they would fail miserably. Why? Because they don’t understand teamwork and partnership. Also, there is probably no translation of “When the Saints Go Marching In” in their language. The most that anyone besides an American could ever hope to invent is a diaper that causes a child to cry when it gets wet; and that is inhumane and simply unacceptable in today’s world. But, men like Francoise aren’t the only heroes in America.


We also learned about the quick-thinking Anthony Distasio, the “fast thinking man who saved his own life by body surfing a wave of molasses during the famous Boston Molasses Flood of 1919.” There aren’t many people who, in the midst of a terrifying molasses flood, would have the presence of mind to react like Mr. Distasio did; many people, sadly enough, after eating too many pancakes, would get a cramp and drown. But, now, however, thanks to Mr. Distasio and other quick thinkers like him, we have a strategy for saving lives when Mother Nature unleashes the powerful forces of molasses.


And, though these men achieved a level of fame that many of us will never experience, I would like to applaud the ideas that were generated by Amber and my friends during our game. For the above-mentioned people, the following ideas were generated. For, Mr. Dekan, it was suggested that he 1) lived for 3 days on a lifeboat crafted out of empty wine bottles and rope, 2) was the chef known for popularizing crepes Suzette, and 3) died suddenly while attempting to chew 100 pieces of bubble gum all at once. For Mr. Distasio, it was suggested that he was 1) the first Italian to open a Mexican restaurant in Spain, 2) famous for building a 1,200 square foot house totally out of Legos®, and 3) an inventor of a children’s game involving 3 toothpicks and a piece of bubble gum.


These certainly are the ideas of the thinkers of tomorrow; others have made America great and now it is our turn to do our best to build upon that sure foundation. So, here’s to the enterprising American: Keep inventing, keep dreaming, think quickly, and remember that, with hard work, you too can have your name and accomplishments included in a board game! But, first, you might want to check yourself, because I think I hear ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’ distinctly coming from your direction.


1 Comment »

  1. If I hadn’t laughed so much about these things last night, I might well have peed in my pants from laughter when I read your post today. You are my most favoritist funny American hero!

    Comment by Amber — March 31, 2008 @ 9:53 pm

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