Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

April 14, 2008

Traffic Jams, Concealed Weapons and Fish Symbols

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 1:28 pm

Why is it that the car radio never mentions that the highway is backed up until after I’m sitting in the actual traffic jam? Instead of warning me of a frustrating backup so that I can take an alternate route, the radio strategically waits until satellite imagery confirms that I am at a standstill before announcing traffic conditions. Even then, the radio doesn’t give a simple announcement of the conditions; the radio actually provokes me by mentioning that this is the biggest mess that the area has ever seen and that traffic may be backed up through the next presidential administration.

It is during times like this that I am glad that I don’t have: 1) a concealed hand gun and 2) a fish symbol on the back of my car.

Despite my faith and my belief that I need to show the same grace to others that was shown to me by Jesus, nothing upsets me like traffic…especially that jerk in the SUV that keeps ridding on my bumper (this will always turn out to be a female driver for some reason). Side note: from what I understand, in order to own an SUV, you must always be in a hurry; if you don’t tailgate someone or cut someone off at least five times-per-mile, the SUV association will confiscate your vehicle and make you drive a Ford Festiva™. Anyway, if I had a concealed handgun, I would probably end up shooting out the tires of the SUV and the other cars around me, while entrusting the souls of those drivers to their seat belts and air bags. The police and the church, I am told, frown upon this sort of activity.

Despite my frustration on the road, not having a concealed handgun has definitely made me a more considerate driver; primarily because I am scared of those who may actually have a handgun and the will to use it.

Also, I am glad that I don’t have any little fish symbols on the back of my car. Side note number 2: This weekend, I saw a car that had five fish symbols on its trunk lid: two large and three small ones (I believe this car only needs one more fish symbol before being canonized by the Vatican). So, anyway, as a Christian, I make a ton of mistakes, especially when I’m in traffic; so, I feel it best not to be the guy in a car with a fish symbol cutting people off and shouting and beating his fist into the steering wheel until the airbag deploys and breaks his nose. This does not make for a good witness.

Generally, as frustrated as I am on the road, I just grin and bear it. This is always the safest route. Before long, with enough patience and perseverance, I see the clearing in the traffic jam. It’s…it’s…it’s just two measly compact cars that rubbed bumpers. There isn’t even a cop on the scene. This jam was created by ‘rubber-neckers.’ Oh, now I’m getting mad. Maybe I should re-think the whole concealed weapon idea…

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4 Comments »

  1. Instead of a fish on the outside (obviously), I had an OM on the inside, a little silver one hanging on a satin thread. No one noticed it, which was good, since such traffic pile-ups brought out my desperate need for meditation and visualizing peace on the interstate.

    Comment by Ghosty — April 14, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

  2. “primarily because I am scared of those who may actually have a handgun and the will to use it.”

    This is why gun ownership (and more specifically concealed carry permits) lowers crime. And just in case you’re wondering, don’t shoot at my car. I will shoot back.

    Comment by Trint — April 16, 2008 @ 2:10 pm

  3. Trint, point noted…I’ll not be shooting at your car. And, for the record, I agree with the fact that armed citizens keep crime low. If the government is ever able to disarm America, the reality is that peaceful citizens will fall prey to criminals. The fear of losing the family jewels to a few rounds of buckshot is the only thing keeping America safe from bad elements because prison, nowadays, is almost like a reward for crime.

    Comment by Dave — April 16, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

  4. […] Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 2:50 pm Recently, I wrote in a post about being afraid of those who may have guns and the will to use them.  Trint, being […]

    Pingback by A Right and A Privilege: Guns and American Hospitality « Dave’s Strange and Unusual World — April 24, 2008 @ 2:50 pm


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