Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

April 15, 2008

Pain in the Buttocks..In the Legs…and Everywhere Else

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 1:27 pm

Well, last night Milestone played another game of Softball, against a team with a pretty good swing advantage (apparently, this team must have paid its dues at the ‘Chuck-E-Cheese™’ batting cages). We started the game with a leading five-to-zero score before being crushed by about eight-to-twenty.

When the player’s roster came out, I was hoping to resume my spot as the catcher; however, in either a bold act of faith or a serious over-estimation of my abilities, my coach decided that I should play right field. Now, normally, there would be great a challenge in this because of the fact that I don’t really think that I can catch; however, I had the extra-added challenge of facing directly into the sun. Also, I really couldn’t see any of the batters, because all of the parked cars behind them were reflecting the sun and searing my retinas.

After asking Amber which side of the field was the right (the pitcher’s right or the batter’s right), I went and stood, blindly, praying that no ball would come in my direction. In answer to my prayers, every batter but one was a ‘righty,’ which meant that they all hit to the left field. The one left-handed batter kept striking out and hitting the ball to center field, so I felt truly blessed. I think I was the only player on the field last night not to make an error because I did not physically touch a softball after the game began!

I actually did a pretty decent job at the plate when I was up to bat. During the first inning, at my first time at bat, I hit the ball over the ‘short-stop’s’ head and ran as quickly as I could to first base. At about my second step into the run, I felt searing pain in both of my upper front thighs; the pain was so bad that, once on first base, I had to turn around to see if I had accidentally dropped my leg muscles somewhere in the dirt.

Recap of my latest bodily injuries: In last week’s game, I fell on my leg and crushed my right shin muscle. Over the weekend, at Eric’s cookout, I think I pulled a left buttocks muscle playing volleyball. And, yesterday, I pulled both of my front thigh muscles. If you add to these injuries my sore arms from throwing the ball and batting, I become a public service announcement for the need to exercise and stretch. I am attaching a picture that highlights the specific areas of my body that hurt (these specific areas are circled in red):

Dave\'s Hurting Muscles

So, though battered and bruised, I finished out the game. Several other people had injuries and found out how old they were as well. And, although we lost, we were all happy to be alive. We slowly limped to the center of the infield to give our high-fives and soft knuckle-punches before asking our coach for morphine®.



  1. I’m pleased to see the toes of your right foot aren’t giving you any trouble, however.

    Comment by Ghosty — April 15, 2008 @ 3:28 pm

  2. Ghosty, I could kick myself for not circling the toes…but then, they would really hurt.

    Comment by dangrdave — April 15, 2008 @ 4:01 pm

  3. 9 to 18, to be exact. You all put up a brave fight…even as you were “embraced by the light.” Maybe everyone will be privileged to see last night’s team photo, where all losers become winners, when they simply flex their biceps for the camera. Regardless, you are always a winner in my book. Look forward to hitting the batting cages with you!
    Your Personal Trainer

    Comment by Amber — April 15, 2008 @ 5:12 pm

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