Well, it appears that all of those Red Bull energy drinks have been paying off. That’s right…I’m going to be a father. But before everyone starts passing around the cigars, I need to mention my one big fear. That’s right…I’m afraid that Bill Clinton will use this opportunity to abuse any cigars that may be given him.
So, maybe I have two fears. Anyway, the other main fear that I have is whether or not I can be a “cool” dad. I want to be the kind of dad that gives his newborn son a faux-hawk hairdo and pampers him with those cool new “disposable” diapers. Now, I’ll admit that the faux-hawk is going to be controversial, especially if I have a daughter, but sometimes that’s what a man has to do to be a “cool” dad.
Now, I’ll definitely need to keep my wits about me and watch out for the signs that I’m slipping into “uncoolness.” To be sure, I possess a vast collection of black socks, which are to be used solely with black work pants; so, I know that I may one day be tempted, after a long day at the office, to throw on a pair of Bermuda shorts and hit the town, without having changed my socks. It’s at times like this that I will rely upon a vast network of complete strangers to frown at me and let me know that I’m embarassing my faux-hawked child.
Truly I have a long road ahead of me because, in all seriousness, I’ve never been what you’d call “cool” in my own lifetime; so trying to be so in my child’s lifetime will be a challenge.