I came across an article yesterday (read it here) wherein a suspected drunk driver was charged with assaulting a police officer. Now, would you guess that this man used his car as a battering ram? Perhaps that he fought with the arresting officer or mentioned something about glazed eyes and doughnut consumption? If you would have guessed that, then you would be wrong; that’s because you would not have guessed that he assaulted the officer by breaking wind (reminisce with me about breaking wind by clicking here to read a previous deep thought that I had on the subject).
l imagine that the incident must have been very similar to the following tense encounter (here). And, as we all know, after this encounter, the French were defeated by Nazi Germany.
Anyway, my question is: Why would a police officer find anything out of the ordinary in a drunk man passing gas? I would think that the police should know that anyone who has taken the time to get drunk and drive around has probably consumed approximately one-third of his body weight in Beer Nuts, which have been scientifically proven to cause flatulence.
So, this leaves us wondering if our gasses will start to be regulated by an Al Gore-led comission and if this will set a precedent wherein flatulence is labeled a form of personal assalut. If so, I can see the injury lawyer commercials now: “Has someone you know, passed gas near you? If so, call me, Jim Addler, the Tough, Smart Lawyer. I’ll get you everything you have coming for your pain and suffering!” The incarceration rate among elementary school boys will be the highest in the free world.