Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

October 3, 2008

Welcome to Socialism: Quite Stimulating Isn’t It?

Filed under: Politics — dangrdave @ 10:53 pm

Okay, so I’m not sure if this is a post or a rant, but I had to write something about this nonsense.

So, both the Senate and the House approved the $700 billion bailout bill, which was ‘signed, sealed and delivered’ before anyone could even utter the word “socialism.” In a brilliantly classic move, the market controllers scared our citizens earlier in the week with a drop of 777 points, which in turn placed pressure on our “leaders” to lead us, lemming-like, off of the socialist cliff.


Apparently (please insert sarcasm here), the bailout package worked by lifting the spirits of the American people and the markets higher (well, technically, it was a drop of 157 points as of this writing). You see, apparently, the bailout eases no one’s conscience, except for the good folks on the hill who will soon be looking for new jobs while being spat upon by overtaxed citizens as they walk down the streets.  The market had apparently already accounted for the expected passage of the bailout bill and the markets now believe that it won’t be enough…I guess no one saw that coming.  Too bad it’s already law.  Maybe we should just hand over all the keys of our economy to the government to ease everyone’s troubled conscience.


Now, to be sure, I’m glad that we are able to trust our future to a group of brilliant classically trained economists who understand the economy and would never cast a vote against the free market.  Seriously, it would seem to me to be that our politicians, like little pinstriped animals with big hair, are fascinated by bright shiny objects.  All you have to do is offer a tax incentive (approximately another $100 billion cumulatively) to their particular pet projects (i.e., tax breaks on wooden toy arrows, tax relief to rednecks who build Nascar tracks, tax breaks to film and television producers, incentives to promote American competitiveness in the wool – yes, wool – industry – here and here) and they lose all reason.


An actual exchange from the floor of the House:


(Congressman 1): “I would never in good conscience vote for that $700 billion bill as long as I…what’s that?  Fifty million dollars to promote competitiveness in the wool industry?  Imagine what that could mean to our woolen underwear industry!  We could revive that industry that was taken over by the yak farmers in Afghanistan!”

(Congressman 2): “Steel wool or sheep’s wool?”

(Congressman 1): “And, Nascar!  We get more funding for Nascar tracks in America!  Excellent!  Now we can help to repopulate the Rednecks in America, whose numbers are dwindling due to global warming, migration and the invention of Hooked on Phonics.”

(Congressman 2): “They are also dwindling because of the advent of modern dentistry.  Say, this is a pretty good idea…if only there were tax breaks for wooden toy arrows…that’d be the thing that get’s my vote.  Whoa!  There it is, right there!  Put me down as a ‘yes’ vote!”


To tell the truth, instead of being shrewd economists and savvy leaders, our politicians are people who get arrested for tapping their toes in airports, for leaving women to drown in automobiles, for hiding a hundred thousand dollars in bribe money in their freezers, and for cheating on their cancer-sickened spouses among other things.  These are the people who determine our destiny as a country, the same people who take a three page bill and bloat it to 450 pages of worthless garbage that has most likely never even been read by anyone other than the 21-year old kid who wrote it for a senator as part of his internship requirement.


So, now it appears to have begun.  Let’s see…create a general feeling of “crisis” in order to convince the people to cede vast autonomy to the government and centralize the controls of our economy.  Now, we need to elect a very promising leader who can rally the people behind him to create a new and more beautiful country, full of equality for all (even if the government has to force its citizens’ hands open in order to dispense its equality).  What a bold new experiment in socialism!


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