Ahh….the Christmas season is fast approaching. How do I know this? Well, besides the fact that the stores already have their displays up, trying to entice me to buy things that I probably really won’t want in two months time, a female madrigal group just held practice in my home. Now, to be certain, a madrigal group does not, as I first thought, have anything to do with spell casting or broom riding; no, a madrigal group practice is much more sinister: it involves women singing the same song approximately one hundred thousand times in an octave that may have ruptured my sensitive ear drums.
I had actually meant to leave the house before the group arrived, but I ended up getting chock-blocked in the driveway by those who were eager to get started. Now, I don’t usually hang around the house for too many women get-togethers, but I can honestly say that I actually saw estrogen filling up the house….you know, like you see in those movies where, due to a fire, every room in the house starts filling up with smoke, which eventually descends lower and lower until you are dead. Basically, that’s what was happening to me. I saw my life flash before my eyes, just like on voting day.
Luckily enough, the group disbanded right as I was gasping for breath on the floor. With what little strength I had left, I was able to open up some doors and windows (thank goodness for fall) and air the house out, sending the excess estrogen up into the sky to eat away at the upper layers of our atmosphere.
So, remember, the holiday season is upon us…be safe and, for heaven’s sake, make sure that if your wife or girlfriend is having some gal pals over you don’t have burgler bars on the windows. It may just save your life.