Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

January 9, 2009

Tunnel Vision

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 3:48 am

I apologize to my reader for the long hiatus that I’ve taken.  I’ve been involved in getting a new photography business off of the ground and I’ve felt the need, for some strange reason, to waste the last several months on Facebook.  So, “what,” you might ask yourself, could be so important that Dave would actually drop everything and rush to create a new blog entry?  Trash and “mole holes,” as if you didn’t already know.

That’s right, according to a Fox News article (here) that I read today, a British man by the name of Gordon Stewart, who was described as a “human mole” died after getting lost in some of the tunnels that he had burrowed through the sea of garbage that filled his house.  Gordon apparently became disoriented in the tunnels and ended up dying of dehydration.  It took a team of divers, with full scuba gear and GPS navigation devices, to retrieve the body of Gordon.

Now, this story is important to you, my fine reader, for several reasons.  First of all, it shows you that if you are going to hoard garbage in your house such that it is piled to the top of your ceilings, you at least need to create supports throughout your catacombs to ensure good  stability of your tunnel system.  Secondly, you need to ensure that you either place good signage up at visible points in your tunnels (i.e., “Welcome to Trash-Room Number 3: Please Enjoy Your Stay”) or that you carry a good map of your tunnel system.  Additionally, you want to make sure, before crawling through the tunnels that you’ve burrowed, that you’re properly hydrated or that you at least have a water bottle handy.

If you follow these simple rules, which include “No burrowing within 30 minutes of eating a meal to prevent cramps, then you should not have too many problems when it comes to burrowing through your garbage collection!

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