Dave’s Strange and Unusual World

May 19, 2009

A Day in the Life of the Breakroom Refrigerator

Filed under: Knee-Slappingly Funny — dangrdave @ 12:05 am

Ahh…can you smell it in the air?  It’s the smell of Spring Cleaning: that wondrous smell of rotten, moldy sack lunches being taken out of the work refrigerator, just as happened in San Jose, Californication recently (here).  In the San Jose incident, an AT&T worker cleaning out the refrigerator at work was surprised to find a hazmat team responding to the putrid stench that sent 28 coworkers into vomitous spasms and which subsequently led to the full evacuation of the building.  The worker that was cleaning the refrigerator couldn’t smell because of allergies.

So, how does an otherwise respectable office refrigerator end up becoming a cesspool of mold?  Well, it generally starts with Phil, the portly, balding guy with a slight odor who always brings a tuna sandwich to work for lunch.  One day Phil will forget where he placed his tuna sandwich and will end up eating someone else’s lunch out of desperation and to teach others a lesson about messing with his food.  The tuna sandwich lies mostly forgotten, plotting its revenge from the back corner of the middle shelf.

After a while, the influence of Phil’s tuna sandwich grows and other forgotten food items begin making holy pilgrimages from all corners of the refrigerator to join in “the resistance.”  After a while, the tuna sandwich and its minions begin taking over whole shelves, slowly converting good food to bad by promising something known as “change.”  After a while, neither Phil nor his coworkers bother to use the refrigerator because of the stench and the giant, menacing food amalgamation that looks like Bob Ross’ afro on steroids.

Then, one day, an unsuspecting intern with sinus allergies opens up the refrigerator and sends Phil and his coworkers to the emergency room.  It’s the circle of life.


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