Peace out,

Dave

After the Rapture

I just learned of a highly useful service called “After the Rapture Pet Care,” which is a network of non-Christian pet caretakers who stand ready to find, rescue and take care of Christian-owned pets after the rapture.  The company has a video that shows pets looking longingly out of windows as people are raptured to heaven (here).  Will you be the one to leave your dog, cat or bird behind without a contingency plan?

‘Steak’ing His Territory

I came across a recent story of a man – Robert T. Jenkins – who marinated…I mean urinated, all over approximately $600 worth of steaks at an Ohio Wal-Mart (here).  Can someone say “cleanup in aisle 6?”  Now, I always knew that there were some shady people at Wal-Mart, as can be seen by People of Wal-Mart, but urinating on steaks is just downright disgusting and wasteful, not to mention discriminatory against chicken and pork.  Also, Mr. Jenkins was in union country and, according to my sources, only an authorized Teamsters union member is allowed to pee on Wal-Mart steaks.

McNugget Rage…the New Roid Rage

Well, I came across a recent story about a woman in Ohio who was arrested for punching out a drive-through window at McDonalds because she couldn’t get any Chicken McNuggets (read it here).  Now, I knew that some people enjoyed eating their Chicken McNuggets (which, incidentally, are made from a special recipe involving chicken-flavored sponges, breading, and scalp flakes from the fry guy), but I never had any idea that someone could get so upset that they would punch out a drive-through window.  Instead of breaking your hand on a window, I would like to recommend breaking your hand karate-chopping the plastic Ronald McDonald statue in the children’s play cage.

Blogged Arteries

I wanted to throw an ole-fashioned “shout-out” to my good friend, Shawn, who is about to embark upon one of man’s greatest endeavors…eating hamburgers for sport.  No…Shawn will not be competitively eating hamburgers, ’cause, let’s face it, competitive eating is dangerous (read about it here).  What Shawn will be doing is bravely going to many different restaurants in the DFW area and selflessly putting his arteries on the line for the greater benefit of mankind (which is more than Obama has done thus far and, therefore, much more deserving of a Nobel Peace Prize).  Shawn will rate and review these “burger joints” on many different criteria, such as portion, presentation, service, freshness, uniqueness, cleanliness, and the size of the zit infestation on the fry guy’s forehead (which is nature’s most reliable predictor of the amount of grease in the food).  Shawn’s website is called BlogABurger, and I encourage – nay, I command – each of you to go there first before taking your chances in this cruel, dark world, where there are so many unknowns when it comes to hamburgers.  Below is Shawn’s calling card.